Mental Game "Hall of Fame" #3: Do The Work

In our third HOF post, we use Byron Katie's turnarounds to solve the frustration that startup CEO's feel. Let's dig in...

Startup CEOs Are Constantly Frustrated!

There are so many triggers:

1. Other people. Your VP Eng isn’t hiring fast enough, and your CS team hasn’t improved churn.

2. Situations: Markets decline, competitors lie, and recruiting AI talent is expensive.

3. Yourself: You should have fired your Head of Sales last quarter, you should have listened to your Product Manager.

Blood boiling yet?

Here’s the thing: It’s not what’s happening that’s causing our frustration; it’s what we think about what’s happening.

And when we get frustrated, we make the situation worse!

Byron Katie Asks Us To Confront Our Thoughts

Byron Katie’s Loving What Is [⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ ⭐️] is a must-read.

Huge thanks to Amy for recommending this powerful book!

Katie proposes:

1. Our frustration comes from our thoughts (e.g. “He shouldn’t be so slow!” ). While we cannot control our thoughts, we can control how we react.

2. Our thoughts are often not true! (Is he slow or juggling other priorities?) But we act like they are.

3. Even if our thoughts are true, we’re arguing with reality, which causes our frustration (We know he’s slow; we should expect slow until we do something different.)

4. When we believe the thought, we become someone we don’t like (We get frustrated or passive-aggressive.)

5. Turning around the thought helps us learn about ourselves (“He shouldn’t be slow” becomes “I shouldn’t be so slow to give him feedback or replace him”)

6. And this gives us agency (“I’ll give him feedback today.”)

The point here is not to absolve them of blame; they may be slow and need to go.

But if we fire them and don’t change ourselves, it will happen again!

We need to fix ourselves first, then fix the situation.

How To Do “The Work”:

The Work, by Byron Katie

How Does The Work Help Startup CEOs?

Aside from a quick wake-up call, sustained anger doesn’t help:

1. Our decisions are impaired. We make our best decisions when we’re curious and calm, not mad.

2. We treat others poorly. While it feels justified, anger is rarely a good look.

3. We don’t grow. The CEO is at least 10% of any problem. Our job is to improve.

Even if you should fire the Head of Sales, you should:

(a) Learn about yourself first. What was your 10%?

(b) Fire them with compassion. We hired them, after all.

When you get mad, look in the mirror first!

When we do the work, we realize that our first step should be to apologize to the other person for how we’ve been treating them and expect nothing in return.

A Real Client Example:

Doing The Work is a wake-up call: We create most of the suffering in our lives by being attached to our thoughts. And whatever frustrates us is our teacher.

Coaching Inquiry

• What frustrates you?

• What happens when you turn it around?

Here’s Katie’s worksheet with the questions and turnarounds. And her short summary of the book.

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I coach startup CEOs who want to train like elite pro athletes. If you’re frequently frustrated and angry, let’s talk.

Thanks for reading,

Tim

www.timporthouse.com

P.S. Many of my obsessions stem from conversations with you, my clients. I don’t call you out to preserve anonymity, but please know you are my inspiration and teacher. I am so grateful.